Getting it out there

Getting older has it’s ups and downs. You’re still the same person that you were (in your head) twenty years ago, but time takes it’s toll. Guts get bigger, aches and pains are amplified, you let out an audible grunt when getting up from a chair or bending down to tie your shows, and your weekends are highlighted by finishing up your monthly budgeting instead of going out and getting hammered with your friends.

This past week has been harder than most. I attended a memorial this past weekend for a friend that we lost to breast cancer. Then, the day that I came home, I found out that I had lost another friend to a shitty illness. I’ve been struggling to put everything into words, but I’m definitely not having an easy time with it all. I’ve had my fair share of friends that we’ve lost before their time, but this one is hitting me hard. Maybe after the memorial service, I’ll have sorted out things a little more.

I’ve had some time for personal reflection in the past few days. Where my life has ended up, what it could have been, things that I should have done differently. Things like that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything that I’ve done in my life. I might regret a few things that I’ve said along the way, but here we are. These actions and events shape us into who we are today, be it good or bad. It’s hard to escape your past in that sense. I’m mostly content with where things have landed with me, but there’s always that “what if?” that’s lingering in the back of your head.

If nothing else, reconnect with those old friends that you’ve been meaning to talk to. Text, call, facebook message, comment on their instagram photos… whatever. Just initiate a conversation. I’m trying to be better about getting out of my own bubble every so often.